Friday, March 27, 2009

Hey, Mr. Postman

The post office royally sucks. I went to the Lisbon post office this afternoon at about 1:15 because I actually had to mail something that could not be handled online. When I got there I found that the post office is closed everyday from 1-2 PM for lunch. What is this, 1950? I wouldn’t mind so much if this was a competitive business, but there are laws which forbid competition with the post office and they provide this terrible level of service. Super lame.


wordbones said...


Haven't you heard about this yet?

The Americans With No Abilities Act

Washington , DC - (Dateline February 18, 2009)

President Barack Obama and the Democrat controlled Congress are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Senator Barbara Boxer - Democrat. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi – Democrat, and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid – Democrat - pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement warehouse stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under AWNAA, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?"

"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,"said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint , Michigan , due to her inability to remember rightey tightey, lefty loosey."This new law should be real good for people like me," Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durbin (Democrat-IL), "As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so."


Anonymous said...

Or maybe it's just a tiny office and the staff needs a lunch break. Try Ellicott City... it doesn't close for lunch. You couldn't sound more like a whining, self-important brat if you tried.

People who want to read the original "Americans with No Abilities" story rather than the plagiarized version can find it in the June 24, 1998 edition of "The Onion."

Freemarket said...

Hold up, princess. The post office is a government controlled monopoly. I would not object to anything the post office did if they were operated as a competitive business and had to compete with other carriers. But having a legally imposed monopoly and then offering second rate service is unacceptable. Pointing this out does not make me a “self-important brat”.

Anonymous said...

They were all probably in the back stealing stamps! :)

Anonymous said...

Just wait till the Federal Government starts running the banks and insurance companines they now own this way!